The Creative Drive

I touched on this a little bit on my last post and I thought about going over it further there, but then decided that it would be too distracting. So it get's it's own post. Yipee.

What drives artists?

I was at work the other day, making panini and chopping onions. It's a typical day at the Italian restaurant and my coworker who works up front pops back into the kitchen for a bit. We talk and she finds out that I'm a writer and then she asks the dreaded question.

"So what is your book about?"

I don't think I've mentioned the street smarts you learn on the sidelines of the writing circles. Pro-tip, never, ever, EVER, ask a writer to tell you about their book because this is not a simple question. You are getting way too close to the tiger's cage, my friend. You are risking things you didn't even know you were risking by asking an author to share with you what is essentially their unborn child. Therefore, do not ask unless you are prepared for one these three responses.

1.) "Why? Who do you work for? Are you going to steal my ideas, gasp, you are after my ideas aren't you!"

2.) Oh ok first blah blah blah...oh, but before that you need to understand blah blah blah... but you see it's all hidden intricately in the fact that blah blah blah...because you see ten years ago blah blah blah...(3 hours later) but I can't tell you the ending, it'll give too much away.

3.) A very simple bare sketch of the plot. Too little details to steal, just enough to test interest. Five minutes max.

All writers can have elements of these three in their responses, but writer number three is very, very rare.

If you don't want to be staring into the depths that is an authors never ending creative workroom of scattered nuts and bolts, mention that you would just like the dust jacket version. If you value your life, clarify that you are not also a writer or at least, feign disinterest because you write different genres anyway. Bless the third writer because they are socially aware enough to not suspect you or take up your time.

Anyways...

Because I am self aware, I gave her the dust jacket version and she seemed kinda interested then leaves to go back to work. There was no large indication of any real,"oh I will totally read that someday," interest.

About a week later, she asks how the book is going and I realize that I haven't even touched it since I'd first told her about it. I was flattered she asked, because it at least meant the book had some hook. Then she asked again the next week...and the week after that.

Now, I'm starting to get uncomfortable.

My inner writer number one was starting to peek around the corner while sharpening an Alice in Wonderland style clever. I put that idea to sleep quickly because my coworker is not, in fact, a writer.

Or is she?

Hmm...(snick, snick)

This encounter did get me thinking though. I put writing on hold in college because of stress and I was again putting it on hold because of full time work and school.

Was this all that was holding me back though?

As busy as I am, I can still fin the odd two hours or so in my week. Then I realized something.

As a kid, writing was my escape. A lot of creatives probably relate to this, but I was really lonely growing up and writing gave me some release. It was fun. It didn't really have rules. I could do whatever I wanted, be whoever I wanted and I always knew how the story would end.

Fast-forward to now and most of my writing is bogged down in publishing concerns before it even has a chance to grow into anything.

So I ask you, what drives you? What sparks your creative muse? For me, it seems to be a certain something: desire, a type of music, another artist, the desire to tell a good story. How do you spark your muse?

The Creative Itch

Being creative is wonderful...and it can also be completely stressful.

Creative beasts are wonderful and they take you for rides that can last for hours. One nonsense idea bleeding into the next until a story is born. In college, my inner creative beast was systematically starved and then trained into a literary warhorse. It was like a boot camp for the brain as I did push ups with Milton and squats with Hawthorne. So. Many. Squats! No, really, all of my teachers were in love with his short stories and, I won't lie, they are pretty good.

Now that my brain is a sharp tool for genius, I often find myself stuck between one creative storm and the next. There is a giant wall that sits right between the two storms called "the critic" that won't allow me to pass until I've justified my previous storms right to exist. I'm grateful that my teachers opened my eyes to this skill because I know it makes me a better writer, but sometimes, I wish I could go back to my untrained days.


I'm always asking the "right" questions:

Does this make sense?
Would anyone get it if you left things like that?
Too much? Too little?


Really, all of the doubt infused writer's block really boils down to is:

Is it worth spending the time on something that may never pay off?

This, is a common thought for many starving artists. Is my dream worth it? Will it all be for nothing? That fear is completely cripples the creative beast. Hanging your drive on money and success kills the passion you had for your art.

However, doing nothing about your dream pretty much guarantees its failure. I haven't given up per se, I just have let a lot of old excuses creep up like time, school, and other commitments.

Lately, its been the skill excuse because I would love to be able to draw comics for some of my ideas, but my drawing is very, very untrained and unpracticed. I also don't have the patience for it, but I would still like to try it...just a little.

One of my coworkers found out that I am a writer and she gushes about it. Every time I see her she asks how the book is going. The truth is I haven't even touched it since the last time she asked me. Full-time school and work does put pressure on the writer for time. I keep saying that I'll start it up again once school is done and I'm working a job that will give me that kind of time, but will I?

Also, one of my facebook friends has been posting all about his publishing journey and just released his first book. I'm not jealous, I think its incredible and its the closest I've ever been to a published author. (pst: He is a pretty awesome guy to. You can get his book on Amazon, :The Shattering of Chains by Joshua Patrick Smith. https://www.amazon.com/Shattering-Chains-Light-Stars-Fire-ebook/dp/B01GDSIHPC?ie=UTF8&ref_=asap_bc )

I mean if he could do it, I could totally do it, right?

Lately, the itch has been creeping up on me. I have my big massage test coming up and only twelve weeks left of school. My creative beast wants to come and play NOW though. I mean, I spent so much time on just building the world for my Slayers book and it's just sitting there, taunting me with it promise of demons storms and mislaid spells.

So, in other words, this is just a really long way to relieve some of the pressure. After I pass the mBLEX (positive thoughts) there will be more time for blogs and Slayers.

Thanks for the moment.

The Purposes of Sugar

I just watched yet another documentary in a stream of documentaries that seem to say a lot of the same thing.

We are fat.
And it's the organizations fault.

That's just grand isn't it? Now that so many people know that the government and "Big Food" are out to kill their consumer base, everything should be quick and easy to fix right?

Yeah. No.

Here's the thing. I think pointing fingers does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. The science is there. A lot of science actually. More science than a McDonald's filled with big macs. We know that convenient food in all it's form (not just fast food) is slowly killing us. I did enjoy the picturesque comparison that the documentary made of how soda is the new cigarette. That's pretty on the nose when you consider how quickly sugar is absorbed and consumed from a single can; not to mention the dissolving effect carbon has on bones.

This is not new knowledge though.

It hasn't been new for decades, if you're to believe the research of the documentary "Fed Up."

So why has nothing changed?

I have a few theories.

The first being that the arguments used today are exactly the same arguments people with interests made back in the early days of America when we wrote the Constitution. Back then, there were strong arguments for the abolishing of slavery in the new United States of America, but that obviously didn't happen until much later. Why? What people may not remember, is that a big argument used to keep slavery was that it would put too big a strain on the new economy that was still recovering from the Revolutionary War.

Similarly, the food industry is using the economy, freedom of speech, and freedom of choice to keep it's doors open. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't you be terrified if you were told that the cow that has given you milk to sell for decades was giving bad milk? You would do everything you could to argue for your livelihood and to keep the status quo of what you know has been working all along. Even if someone told you to trade for a new, healthier cow to save your consumers, you'd hesitate to do so wouldn't you? Especially if you hadn't tasted any success or seen any evidence of this new cows ability to support you.

Needless to say. I don't like painting businesses as bad guys. It's not the people so much as it is the nature of business itself. They do what they have to do in order to continue existing. That's it.

The government on the other hand has tried several times to fix the issue. The problem is people don't like given the government too many prerequisite laws they can exploit later. Banning stuff never seems to work anyway. Positive propaganda, on the other hand, does wonders for consumer opinion. Remember the meth commercials? I still have nightmares. What needs to change, is the people.

Which brings me to theory two. These businesses wouldn't exist at all in the form that they do if there weren't consumers to buy the products that they sell. You can argue all you like about long work hours and lack of cooking experience and other excuses, but at the end of it all, that's all anyone has, excuses. Long work hours? You have days off to prepare don't you? Why buy into the sedentary cultural norm of sleep, work, tv? Lack of cooking experience? If you're going to watch tv anyway, it wouldn't kill you to spend a few minutes on a show or a "how to" YouTube video, or you could send a teenager to work in a kitchen and bring back the knowledge he/she gains there. You have friends. Doesn't even just one of them know how to BBQ?

It's tough to change and it's tougher to ask these questions, but it is possible. It's all about the priorities.

Now finally, about sugar.

You all probably remember the cute polar bear ad of the family of polar bears drinking soda together, playing together, visiting the doctor together, getting insulin together, and finally together watching papa lose his leg. And I thought the meth commercials were scary. The end message was that sugar is deadly. It's the new tobacco.

So, all this got me thinking. What is the purpose of sugar in the diet anyway? What does it actually do for us? Is it anything positive?

A bit of research shows that other than turning into glucose for cell energy, which every starch and carb does anyway, all sugar uniquely does is provide taste and texture.

That's it.

Now, is it possible to change and combat this addictive substance?

It's probable.

I tried to be a vegan....well...98% vegan for three months. That experiment cleaned my pallet. Sugars while still appealing, weren't quite so demanding anymore. I now love vegetables and still find ways to eat mostly veggie based meals. I learned what it felt like to feel clean on the inside and I try to recapture that feeling with each meal.

So who knows. I think the key to solving our nations health crisis lies in the tiny choices on each plate, and inside each person, one bite at a time.

Now if they would only focus on the "how" of that in the documentaries.

My Biggest Struggle with Marie Kondo

Ok, I obviously love getting rid of stuff.

However, there are two deep, deep, subjects that I balk at dealing with...ever.

Most things, with years of practice and continued philosophical testing have started to come easy.

Money management, after years of practice that's easy.

Clothes, love to donate them.

Dust collectors (statues, odd n ends), VERY easy to get rid of (maybe a little too fun to smash or shoot in the desert.)

Cheap things that are easy to repurchase, why do I even own these?


As for my two worst subjects....

Books....I SWEAR, I WILL read them.

Papers....I'm pretty sure they reproduce. They are impossible to truly get rid of. Especially when I have a note of inspiration scribbled on an old receipt for a book idea that I've had.

The thing about books is I come from a book culture. My family is full of writers. My mom is a librarian. I grew up with two very tall book shelves set prominently in our living room. I've been writing since second grade. I'm an avid reader and like to quickly acquaint myself with whatever local library happens to be near by. I've always had a book shelf stuffed with books. I cry whenever I read about how the Nazi's burned books. Barnes and Noble is my happy place for spending money.

Granted, I'm not a stranger to donating books. It's just very, very, very difficult to convince myself that I will never read, re-read, or even reference a particular book. I try to think about it philosophically. Books are the absolute worst to move. They are heavy and awkward and if you're not reading them, they will collect dust. Once the knowledge or joy has been obtained, what use is it? I have a small collection currently with me and whole collection still waiting for me to sift through at my mothers house. Is it really worth it?

Yes.
Because I need them for professional reference both as a writer and as an aspiring body works expert.
What if I need reference materials when I retake certification exams?
What if this is the only reference I have to that particular inspiring myth?
It's a classic. I like to reread it.
Hello, it's The Hobbit.

I like books. I like having them. I like reading them. I like browsing my full shelf on rainy days and revisiting select passages. It makes my world complete. The only reason I'm not up to my eyeballs in books is because libraries exist.

I guess I can take comfort in knowing that I have the ability to donate books. It's just that more books than Marie Kondo would ever approve of still give me all kinds of joy. That's why, even though I love Barnes and Noble, I only visit once or twice a year.

As for papers. I do try, but I really do think they multiply. I try to revisit the subject on a regular basis for maintenance, but I'm pretty sure it's a losing battle.

We all have our struggles.

Living on $35 A Week Pt 2

As expected, the second week was not nearly as easy as the first week.

On top of the second week doubts, I went from a wonderful holiday Thanksgiving where I had my evenings free back to night school where the only easy food is the local over priced gas station.

I try to plan for these moments, but for some reason apples and carrots do not sound that filling at 8 o'clock at night, especially after a full work day.

I spent a total of 14.95 on gas station junk. As for the rest of my money... I actually have no idea. It had to have gone somewhere else because I only had three bills in my wallet by the end of the week.

It's not easy to budget.

If I've learned anything over the years, it's to keep trying anyway. When it comes to recording and planning my budget, I've gone from ledger, to Excell, to cash envelope, and back to ledgers in the last five years. It works for me. Each week I like to re-evaluate and if I need to tweek what I do or how I do it, I do it right then. This makes it easier to keep regular records that fit into my current lifestyle instead of feeling locked into a method that doesn't fit anymore. The point is, it doesn't matter how the information is recorded, so long as it is recorded and you keep your priorities straight.

This week, I also learned that even if you have good intentions to keep all of your receipts, they do have a habit of getting lost, hence the missing twelve dollars.

So, this next week I'm doing a couple of those tweeks. I'm going back to ledger. What I like about ledgers, is that you just take a notebook, make customized columns for your expenses, needs, income, total value, etc, and then update it every week. It keeps me honest and I can see how well I'm doing at a glance.

I'm also going to keep a small notebook in my purse instead of a pile of receipts. Small notebooks are only a little less likely to get lost. Instead of hoping my bag retains all of my receipts, I will write down the purchase before I even leave the store. This will help me to keep better records.

I already feel really good about this project.

Even though my rent situation is less desperate now that I know where I'm going and that I can afford it, I like knowing that I can handle emergencies. You know those rainy days where your car needs a sudden $500 dollar fix, or those moments when you're slapped with the knowledge that you'll be without a roof over your head if you can't come up with at least $1,000 in two months? This is why savings is amazing. When you have an egg that can handle things like that at the drop of a hat, the world feels so much more secure.

Some people might chaff a little at the restraint of only $35 a week as I did this last week. Really, I do like the restriction because it fits my goals. At this time of my life where I'm moving at least three times a year, I want to be able to just throw everything I own into my little Subaru and go. Buying stuff would be counter productive to that goal. I like the feeling of letting go of stuff. I like not having to dig through piles of  "someday" usefuls to find the one thing I really need. I like my shelves, boxes, and drawers to have only what I love and use, not regrets.

When you think of it that way, $35 a week is really just buying me food and the occasional need like toothpaste. That's it. $35 could surely stretch that far and then some.

Then again, I'm not like everyone else. Stuff really is the bottom tier of my five love languages, while for other people, giving and getting gifts is their very top love language.

I guess, it really is just all about what you value the most.

How to Freewrite

Freewriting is a tool used by writers to break up their walls. It is a gam;e with rules that you continue writing no matter the consequences. NOt matter the mistakes you make as you type. This createsand environment of freedom where the editors side of your brian isn't allowed to come out until the writing is done. But how does bbreewriting start? As you can see, I am typing very fast to prove the point that you dcontinue on no matter the mistakes that are matde. That is the firest rule.

The second rule, is that you canno't backspaece, fix or correct any mistakes that you see no matter what. The editor isn't allowed to even breath on a free write. This gives the writer the mental creative freesdom to just be and create without getting bogged down in details.

The third rule is to keep moving forward. Whatever thought that comesinto your head is valid even if it has nothing to do with the work you wish to create. If you have no thoughts, write about how you have not thoughts. Foe example, I only came up with three rules. I'm trying to think of more, but there really isn't any. Free writing isn't complicated and isn't meant to be really structured. You don't even need splits in paragraphs or tabs at the beginning of each thought. This is the mental massage that breaks holding patterns in your writing and allows you space to breath. Now I really want some cheese. Cheese is delicious. It is yellow, sharp is best. I hear that real cheese is white and better for you, it's probably true. Have you ever heard of cows giving orange milk? THat alone sounds gross, yet we like yellow cheese. I wonder if my character likes yellow cheese or white cheese. My back is wondering if this is a good position to type in.

She is a character that likes to breathe and find peace. Where is the excitment in that? If you have a character who likes peace so much, they have to be put into a whole lot of traumatizing experiences just to be interesting. On the otherhand, if you have a handful of a character in a forced peaceful setting, it can feel like a waist, but could it also be the grounds for an actual piece of literature?

Fahrenheit 451 style story that expresses that there is a time to fight and a time to rest and both moments are hard.

At this point I would usually launch into a made up scene that would give me a sense of my story. I'd still be free writing until the scene is done. Then I'd let the editor in just enough to see if the thought has potential. Hope you all enjoyed this example.

Writer's Block

This post is for all of my creative people out there.

Creation is awesome.

We love to dazzle the crowd with every brush stroke, every word, and every note. To the people who don't share our talents we look like wizards pulling genius moments out of star covered caps. To them, it seems as effortless and easy as breathing.

Oh how little they know.

You fellow artisans know about the suffocating pains between each brilliant moment. The times when we aren't wizards and the magic is simply out of reach. It is a terrible time when the world is either too busy, too stressful, or there is simply not enough inspiration there to allow for creation.

It is the pain of these times that makes the healing moments of creation so magical.

Yet, when you are stuck in a creation-less rut, how do we get back to doing what we love?

It's not simple, and every artist is as unique as their chosen medium. Yet here are a few things that might help should you find yourselves stuck.

Take A Risk
Artists are people who are already willing to experiment and take risks so I recommend trying different things to stimulate the creative well. Do something new. Go on a special vacation that allows you time to experience rather than just go through the motions. Or, take a "sick day" that allows you the time to go and find what normally inspires you.

Revisit What Works
This one requires a certain amount of self-awareness. Most artists can tell you about the moment of creation, but some find it hard to recall the moment before. The set of circumstances that sparked the creation in the first place. Go back in time. What inspired you to start last time? Was it observing people in the park? Playing with kids? Trying a new recipe? Something triggered the creativity. Find out what it was and then recreate those circumstances.

Find A Model
There is a saying in the artistic community. If you want to master your craft, you first need to learn about the masters. Read about them. Study them. Try to copy them. Learn how they did it. Even if historic figures didn't do exactly what you want to do; knowing how they did it and knowing what was good about it can give you focus for what it is that you want to do.

Make Time
I know this advice is worn out. It's annoying when people imply that you can pull more time out of hat with enough faith and belief. We all know simply wishing for more time does not put more minutes in a twenty-four hour day. What those people are really saying is that you can sacrifice your least needed things for this important thing. The reason why you don't hear people using those words is because telling people to give up something isn't a good selling pitch.

It is true though, that people don't always spend their time wisely. A little schedule reorganizing and reduction of wasted time, and you may find a spare hour you can dedicate to creation. If your schedule is simply too busy to allow for it, then maybe this is not the time of your life to create. However, I feel like if not creating is making life totally miserable, then it really is ok to change things up. Get a different job. Reduce the demands on your time. Put first in your schedule what matters the most to your over all life goals. Then, when the time is available, be careful to not waste it. You worked hard to get that time. It'd be a shame if it was spent on a temporary show you kinda like but won't remember watching come next year.

That's all I have for you today.
Good luck my fellow creative people!